I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
