I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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