shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
