I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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