Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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