May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
handjob tips. give me some.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
