if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
