You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
