Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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