I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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