I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
