Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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