My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
