I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
