The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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