Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
