How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
