Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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