You can't motorboat a personality
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
