You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
