trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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