Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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