the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
