mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
