i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I smell stomach acid.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
