During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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