Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Semen is not good for contacts.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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