I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
