My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
