k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
