He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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