Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
