oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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