Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
