He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
