So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
