The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
