his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
