i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
