You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
