his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
