Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
