i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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