Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
