Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
