I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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