I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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