I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
