I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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