I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
