i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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