It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
